Clueless

You have no idea
About how regretful I am
For believing you
For trusting you

You have no idea
About how dissapointed I am
For being fooled
For being taken so easy
For being lifted to the sky
Then drowned to a bottomless pond aftermath

Still wanna build your tower of hope up high, while in fact no dream left to be granted?
Still wanna spit white lies, while in fact she already figured it out?

You're a one clueless man living surrounded by tons of alibi
Which could be delivered nicely to someone who's near

to be read or not to be read

Hey, please do laugh, I miss your chuckle
Hey, please do sing, I miss your hum
Hey, please do talk, I miss your voice

I'm sorry if I've acted like kids. Doing something deleterious, in order to get your attention. I've tried that before, and that was not a good idea afterall,but still..... Guess if I'm a childish

I'm sorry if I have no words to say the time when you ask me 'why', it is always been the time I lose the reasons I've prepared before. Guess if I have a gold-fish's memory bank

Tons of sorry if I've ever hurted your feelings by showing a stolid face. I'm not good at expressing my emotions. Guess if I'm an asperger victim

Pardon my words, if it always looks like I'm blaming you, I'm not, I just try to break the ice between us

And I swear. For god's sake I swear, I regret what I've done. And I still love you wholeheartly. One more, what can you expect from a 16 years old lady who can't even get a 90 in math? Who can't even treat you well like the other girls do? But at least, I talk no lie, te amo, mi querido. And I'm sorry

The night without our smileys and 'goodnight, sleep well, and have a nice dream' was the night when I curled and did what the women usually do at their most miserable moment.
Transformed.........I was way too easy to be turned into a somber lassie.

Is at the lowest level of self-confidence

what should I do? world sucks

a piece of clutter

worth-crying?
I cried a lot and being a somber-junk during these 2 weeks but at the end I just didn't know the reason why I cried.
Did I cry for myself? Did I cry for you? Did I cry for somebody else out there?
Here, I'm trying out to find out. Let me just spit them out

1.
I live with pressures from both of my parents just because I'm the only child and I can't do anything but pretend to be strong and able to carry on.
Having a mom whose life is depending on the very expensive medicines, dad whose very asian-- I'm emphasizing on the strictness and very particular about not giving up, are not that easy and it forced me to do hundreds time heavier weights than normal people..
I'm feeling like I'm being a beast of burden, carrying too much weights on my shoulders--correction : we, X5. We got 2 curriculums which we have to balance each another, the national and international. They made it harder for us to concentrate to our chosen major, didn't they?
As a kid, we swallow every single words and nod to every single order. We did protest. But what are we?

2.
This includes my personal social-life. Am I being too sensitive? Or am I being too kind to you?

3.
Something

4.
Something that's even more negligible